it took my soul

Thyroid cancer and it’s evil conjoined twin, RAI, steal your soul.

Okay, there is no actual medical (or religious) data to prove that but just ask those who have been through it!

RAI is the worst part of it:

It takes what “life” it is supposedly saving and incinerates it in a small, invisible yet highly toxic  nuclear cloud.

– poof –

The 10 or so days of isolation are nothing compared to the life you once knew being stripped away, layer by painful layer,  forever.

It steals from you

. . . your ability to enjoy your children, friends, job, family.

. . .  your energy to work, play, live.

. . . the ability to say “oh, it’s just a cold” (without worrying you are having a recurrence).

. . . your metabolism and the body you thought you knew.

. . . every damned dime you have for medical bills.

It does give back though.

. . .  it gives you a new body, a body you never wanted.

. . . it makes your immune system crash forever.

that which doesn’t kill you just gives you huge co-payments

There is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow though

(probably bought with your co-payments, out of pocket expenses, and insurance payments)

This never-ending nightmare does give you a few good thing:

. . . the ability to STAND UP to doctors, insurance, and the medical establishment and be your #1 advocate.  To challenging procedures, treatments, and tests – pushing for answers.  To ask questions.  You might even develop the ability to fire a bad doctor or two (I’ve canned two so far).

. . . it teaches you to research

. . . you learn to reach out and find others who understand

. . . it gives you a greater empathy for others with their own struggles.

. . . it teaches you to say “no” and “I’m sorry, I can’t” when your body and mind cannot do any more.

I just have to keep reminding myself of the “good” points while facing my upcoming PET and bone scans to find the now un-treatable metastases somewhere in my body (my money is on vertebrae and liver).

Yeah, it’s like trying to remember how pretty the ocean is while the shark is chewing on your leg.

oh, such pretty water!!!


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