My office is the Palace of Passive-Aggressive. Working around the group of needy, incompetent, yet frighteningly misogynist men has turned me this way. I hang my graduate degree to remind them I am intelligent. I hang strategically placed sayings (i.e. “some people need a high five. In the face. with a chair.”) for them to read and think it applies to someone else. I also have a few weapons – ’cause they make me smile.
Today’s adventures with Clueless Man!
I was sitting in my office, stuffing “naked” salad into my face
‘cause it’s all I can eat on this stupid Low Iodine restriction.
Clueless Man rushes in all panicked
CM: Do you have a TV station at home called something like Audience . . . or something?!?
Me: Ummmm, no. Why?
CM: They have a show called The Wire
Me: Actually I think that’s an HBO series.
CM: No, it’s on Audience.
Me: (sigh) Okay . . . and?
CM: They play a song that goes “hum, words, hum, hummmmmm” – sounds like blues or something. What is it?
Me: I have no idea. I don’t watch The Wire.
CM: I like that song, can we go buy the CD?
Me: (putting down fork) sigh
Googling “The Wire Theme Song”
Me: Is this is?
CM: Yeah – where can I buy the CD?
Me: I’ll download it onto your computer
CM: You can do that?
Me: Yes, I have advanced technology.
Walking to his computer, sign on to Amazon (my account, of course, he doesn’t have one)
and start the download on his computer.
CM: I just checked on the class and I need you to go into the classroom and set up the simulator.
Me: Okay but don’t touch the computer, I’m downloading your music.
CM: No problem.
Five minutes later – walking back into his office.
CM is doing his taxes (from 2 years ago) on his computer.
(Don’t ask, that’s a whole different blog post, after I get therapy)
Me: Did the download finish?
CM: I don’t know, I’m working on taxes
Me: Can I check?
moving mouse towards X
Me: NO! – don’t exit the program, MINIMIZE it (for the billionth time)
Me: What happened to the download? Did you close the widow?
CM: You walked away, I thought you were done.
Me: NO, you said you needed me to set up the simulator and I SAID DON’T TOUCH THE COMPUTER BECAUSE IT WAS DOWNLOADING!
CM: Oh. Can you get it back?
Me: No – I have to buy it again and download it again!
CM: Oh. Sorry. (puppy dog eyes)
Me: Just don’t touch it this time!
Me: I have to pee. Don’t touch it!
Three minutes later
Me: Only half of it downloaded – what happened?
CM: I don’t know – little screens kept popping up so I hit “NO” on them. I figured it was a virus.
Me: pounding head against desk
CM: I’m going outside to smoke.
Me: Yeah, please.
And that is how a $28 download cost me $86.82.
Oh, and if anyone cares, it’s John Waite “Down in the Hole” but CM decided he wanted a J.J. Cale double album download too.
Funny – everyone who knows Clueless Man doesn’t even question why I have an authentic blow dart gun hanging on my wall. And, no, it hasn’t been used . . . yet.