office blow dart gun

My office is the Palace of Passive-Aggressive.  Working around the group of needy, incompetent, yet frighteningly misogynist men has turned me this way.   I hang my graduate degree to remind them I am intelligent.  I hang strategically placed sayings (i.e. “some people need a high five.  In the face.  with a chair.”) for them to read and think it applies to someone else.  I also have a few weapons – ’cause they make me smile.


Today’s adventures with Clueless Man!

I was sitting in my office, stuffing “naked” salad into my face

‘cause it’s all I can eat on this stupid Low Iodine restriction.

Clueless Man rushes in all panicked

CM:  Do you have a TV station at home called something like Audience . . . or something?!?

Me:   Ummmm, no.  Why?

CM:  They have a show called The Wire

Me:  Actually I think that’s an HBO series.

CM:  No, it’s on Audience.

Me:  (sigh)  Okay . . . and?

CM:  They play a song that goes “hum, words, hum, hummmmmm” – sounds like blues or something.  What is it?

Me:  I have no idea.  I don’t watch The Wire.

CM:  I like that song, can we go buy the CD?

Me:  (putting down fork)  sigh

Googling “The Wire Theme Song”

Me:  Is this is?

CM:  Yeah – where can I buy the CD?

Me:  I’ll download it onto your computer

CM:  You can do that?

Me:  Yes, I have advanced technology.

Walking to his computer, sign on to Amazon (my account, of course, he doesn’t have one)

and start the download on his computer.

CM:  I just checked on the class and I need you to go into the classroom and set up the simulator.

Me:  Okay but don’t touch the computer, I’m downloading your music.

CM:  No problem.

Five minutes later – walking back into his office.

CM is doing his taxes (from 2 years ago) on his computer.

(Don’t ask, that’s a whole different blog post, after I get therapy)

Me:  Did the download finish?

CM:  I don’t know, I’m working on taxes

Me:  Can I check?

CM:  Okay.

moving mouse towards X

Me:  NO! – don’t exit the program, MINIMIZE it (for the billionth time)

Me:  What happened to the download?  Did you close the widow?

CM:  You walked away, I thought you were done.

Me:  NO, you said you needed me to set up the simulator and I SAID DON’T TOUCH THE COMPUTER BECAUSE IT WAS DOWNLOADING!

CM:  Oh.  Can you get it back?

Me:  No – I have to buy it again and download it again!

CM:  Oh.  Sorry.   (puppy dog eyes)

Me:  Just don’t touch it this time!


Me:  I have to pee.  Don’t touch it!

Three minutes later

Me:  Only half of it downloaded – what happened?

CM:  I don’t know – little screens kept popping up so I hit “NO” on them.  I figured it was a virus.

Me:  pounding head against desk

CM:  I’m going outside to smoke.

Me:  Yeah, please.

 And that is how a $28 download cost me $86.82.

Oh, and if anyone cares, it’s John Waite “Down in the Hole” but CM decided he wanted a J.J. Cale double album download too.

Funny – everyone who knows Clueless Man doesn’t even question why I have an authentic blow dart gun hanging on my wall.   And, no, it hasn’t been used . . . yet.

in case of moments of unbearable stress or stupidity


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