even stone cries

Depression is a M*#(F*@%$R!!!

period.

There is no soft selling it.

Any slight change with my body – change of meds, change in pain levels, illness – whatever, takes my brain chemistry and tosses it to the wind.

Add to that stress.  Job, cancer, money, Clueless being a complete douche, no sleep . . . it’s like a ticking bomb.

Tick.  Tick.  Tick.

Tears.  Silent screaming.

Tick.  Tick. Tick.

Childhood memories.  Judgement.  Fear.  Exhaustion.  

End.

even stone cries sometimes

Maybe it’s just the blogosphere but it seems that depression is either more prevalent than ever; more people are about talking about depression; or people who are prone to depression are drawn to blogging.

I kind of think it’s the last one.

Maybe it’s our way to “get it out there” without having to talk face-to-face.  Maybe it’s because we NEED to get it out but can’t deal with anyone more judgmental than the voice in our heads.

‘Cause, I’ll tell you, that bitch is cruel!

And, no matter how many antidepressants, that voice that often sounds like our parents, “friends”, bosses, lovers . . . that voice telling us “not good enough” never really goes away.

If you need me I’ll be in the fetal position.

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5 comments

  1. My Sister, I’ll unravel you. ❤

  2. You are the best person I know. And the strongest. My goal in life is to be as wonderful a momma to Monkey as you are, and always have been, to me. I love you. PS – I’m still looking up real estate in Hawaii and Oregon for us. Found a few good ones…so…whenever you’re ready 🙂

  3. Pingback: meds rollercoaster « cluelessramblings

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