pretty little vials all in a row

Went for labs today.

Not necessarily because I needed more labs.  I went because the phlebotomists get lonely if I don’t go at least once a month.

Secretly that’s what all cancer patients are really about – keeping the healthcare industry afloat one co-payment at a time.

We don’t care about going to see doctors all the time.  Or about losing our minds and bodies.  Or all of the expense and pain.  We are just here to support the healthcare industry.

I kind of felt like a failure this time.  Only six vials.  sniffle.   I was so hoping for at least eight.

Ah well, not my personal best but not too bad.

I am seriously excited for my labs the first week of June – right before my nuclear medicine scan.  I get a pregnancy test.

Big freak’n whoop-de-do, I know, but for me it’s one of those WTF things.  See, last I checked with my lack-of-a-medical-degree-personal knowledge . . . it is impossible to get pregnant with no (i.e., zero) ovaries.

Yet, every damned year since the last ovary got yanked, I get to argue with the wizard man behind the curtain.   Granted Mr. Atoms – or whatever – I only got a Master’s degree, no M.D., R.N., E-I-E-I-O but I do know basic reproduction.

Yet, still the Nazi nuclear medicine director will only allow women who have had a complete hysterectomy get radiation or Thyrogen without pregnancy tests.  I’ve argued with him for six years and he’s not budging.

So, I’ve taken on a new mission:  freaking out the techs.  When they proudly announce that I’m not pregnant before they give me the Thyrogen shots/radiation I typically either:

  • grab my gut and say, “then what is kicking?”
  • say “thank god because that was a pretty wild party last night!”
  • ask “You sure, it DID happened to my friend Mary!”

I shouldn’t pick on them but, damn it, other than setting off Geiger counters, what fun do we really get?   (okay, the Geiger counter is kind of fun)

Besides, pregnancy tests only take one vial of blood and that is just insulting.

I can do so much more people!

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2 comments

  1. Pingback: final destination « cluelessramblings

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