Dear dogs . . . (a letter from my blood pressure medication)

OPEN LETTER TO THE DOGS:   Due to recent events (the 7:00 delivery this morning) we need to, again, establish the barking rules. Now, I appreciate you are all vigilantly trying to protect our home from the upcoming zombie apocalypse but two large bags of bark look NOTHING like zombies. Therefore your “OMG – the world is coming to an end” barking this morning which woke up everyone in this zip code a probably a surrounding one or two was a bit uncalled for.

not a zombie

Since this has happened more than once in the past (luckily I didn’t come charging outside with a handgun . . . this time) we need to review the rules of barking. Following are categories of barking which will be allowed

Bark until you get someone’s attention or problem is resolved:

  • Actual zombies
  • Stranger in the yard        NOTE: we have established the fact that if it is the police we do NOT try to take on the police dog, right?  We all remember what happened last time
  • Dog/person down
  • Bombing and/or invasion

Bark once then run away/shut up:

2:30 a.m. 4th skunking of the year

  • Skunk in the yard (remember the run away part this time – five skunk events last year were five too many)
  • Stranger coming into front yard/driveway/on sidewalk
  • Cat
  • Other dog
  • Something you aren’t sure of

Don’t bark

  • Bird on tree/lawn/drinking from pond/on telephone pole/somewhere in a 2 mile radius
  • Mail man (come on guys – his name is Bill and he is really nice. He’s been our mail man since we moved in 14 years ago!)
  • Your humans wheeling trashcans to/from curb
  • Lawn mower/shovel/snow blower/anything else with wheels when being moved by your humans
  • Neighbors
  • Damned fire trucks!
  • When one of the other dogs has your toy/food/spot on the lawn/looked at your funny/smelled your butt first/ate first/is on the bed

Your cooperation is appreciated.



  1. Pingback: not enough sleep + texting = OMG | cluelessramblings

  2. One of the little ones went after a police dog? That is material for another blog!

  3. two of them – Bailey and Ozzie. Wasn’t pretty. Then again having two cops with a K9 unit in your back yard looking for an escaped fugitive in the middle of the night wasn’t so much fun either. The old one (RIP Sienna) slept through the entire thing. Although she did take out a fleeing felon in the back yard some years earlier.

    Living right by the police station has its drawbacks!!! (If they would learn to secure their suspects it might be a bit better)

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