OPEN LETTER TO THE DOGS: Due to recent events (the 7:00 delivery this morning) we need to, again, establish the barking rules. Now, I appreciate you are all vigilantly trying to protect our home from the upcoming zombie apocalypse but two large bags of bark look NOTHING like zombies. Therefore your “OMG – the world is coming to an end” barking this morning which woke up everyone in this zip code a probably a surrounding one or two was a bit uncalled for.
Since this has happened more than once in the past (luckily I didn’t come charging outside with a handgun . . . this time) we need to review the rules of barking. Following are categories of barking which will be allowed
Bark until you get someone’s attention or problem is resolved:
- Actual zombies
- Stranger in the yard NOTE: we have established the fact that if it is the police we do NOT try to take on the police dog, right? We all remember what happened last time
- Dog/person down
- Bombing and/or invasion
Bark once then run away/shut up:
- Skunk in the yard (remember the run away part this time – five skunk events last year were five too many)
- Stranger coming into front yard/driveway/on sidewalk
- Other dog
- Something you aren’t sure of
- Bird on tree/lawn/drinking from pond/on telephone pole/somewhere in a 2 mile radius
- Mail man (come on guys – his name is Bill and he is really nice. He’s been our mail man since we moved in 14 years ago!)
- Your humans wheeling trashcans to/from curb
- Lawn mower/shovel/snow blower/anything else with wheels when being moved by your humans
- Damned fire trucks!
- When one of the other dogs has your toy/food/spot on the lawn/looked at your funny/smelled your butt first/ate first/is on the bed
Your cooperation is appreciated.