cold feminine products

I considered buying a large box of maxipads.  Large box, with intimidatingly large pads.

But, thanks to the miracle of science and 2 1 ½ good surgeons, I no longer contribute to the economy otherwise known as the feminine protection conspiracy.

It would be stupid to buy them just for the box and throw the product away and I really can’t think of anything to re-imagine them into.

I’m not one of those crafty types who could turn tampons into Christmas ornaments.  

A fact I’m proud of.

Besides, the men I work with could step over a dead body for days before they would notice it.  Some sort of “not my mess” blinders that come with the chromosomal deficiency.

Odds are one of them will eventually wonder why there was a box of Kotex in the refrigerator.  They’ll investigate and find my stash.  The jig will be up.

Oh, not of a stash of feminine products or even drugs, money, booze or Girl Scout cookies.

Cheese people, cheese.

My office has a food thief.  We all know who he is, he will pull your food out of the refrigerator and eat it in front of you while you are talking.

Everyone has confronted him on it – he just doesn’t get it (might be a cultural thing).

He figures if the coffee is free grabs; and Clueless has told him to “help himself to the stuff in the freezer if he’s hungry,” everything is there for him to eat.  Just part of the job.

Apparently he has a fondness for two things – the guy down the hall’s bowl of candy and my cheese.

Not to bitch but the guy down the hall has pancreatic cancer and has to ingest as many calories as possible.  On top of his multiple small meals every day (can’t eat much at one time) he’s using the candy to supplement calories.

I fall into the diabetes world; eating 5-6 small meals a day.  The cheese is a big part of it.

I can hide the nuts, fruits, and veggies in my office behind locked doors but I’m at the mercy of the refrigerator for the cheese.

Since the Kotex idea is out I put all of my cheeses into storage containers with solid lids.  They all went into the drawer in the bottom of the ‘fridge. 

I also included a love note in each one.

I give it less than a week before they are all gone.

Maybe next time I will buy a big box of Depends.  I will probably need those soon so I’ll justify it as “emergency preparedness.”

I doubt anyone will dig through that box – especially when I open one and fill it with chocolate pudding and set it on top of my food.

Yeah food thief, IT’S ON!!



  1. Thank you. Perfect timing. 🙂

  2. Who…the hell…would want to make Christmas ornaments out of Tampons? That’s fucking weird. I was totally serious about my suggestion earlier: Ex-Lax brownies. Seriously. Do it.

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